


Between the Lines

by space_squirrel



Series: Heros & Lies [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Mass Effect 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-24
Updated: 2017-11-24
Packaged: 2019-01-31 07:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12677538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_squirrel/pseuds/space_squirrel
Summary: Without trust, love is unstable: this is a truth Mackenzie Shepard knows all too well. And a war like this? Needs stability.





	Between the Lines

The seconds tick by painfully slowly as Mackenzie Shepard studies him, careful neutrality written across her face as she considers his request to rejoin the Normandy.

He can feel his heart dropping as the seconds tick on, plummeting as she sighs, staring at the ceiling before flicking her eyes back to his.

“I don't think that's a good idea,” she begins, and time slows to a crawl as his world shatters around him. “I need to focus on the war. No distractions. And I need a team I can trust, implicitly.”

 _Trust._ She had trusted him, once. And he knows in his heart is she would still trust him, if he had just trusted her.

He knows she's not saying everything, not telling him the entirety of _why_ she won't allow him back on her ship, but as he studies the hard angles of her face, before raising his eyes to meet hers... well, he can read between the lines well enough to _know._

He looks away. He can't stand to see her like this, not when it's because of him.

Again.

Mack swallows heavily. “I love you, Kaidan, but I don't think I can be the one,” she pauses, squeezing her eyes shut as a tear trickles down her cheek. “Not anymore.”

“We could have been happy,” Kaidan mutters, eyes fixed on the small tear in his BDU’s. It's not a lie: they could have, at one point in time. They _were_ , at another. But the truth of the matter is their happiness, as a _they,_ was a literal lifetime away. He knows that now. Understands what Mack is saying, but that doesn't make it any easier to hear, doesn't make it hurt any less. He sighs, rubbing the back of his neck, and forces himself to look up at Shepard. “But I get it. I... I wasn't there when you needed me, and... I'm sorry. For what it's worth.”

“I know you are. And I am too. Truly,” Mack gives him a small smile, but he can tell her heart isn't in it, by the way it stops at her lips. When she smiled, _really_ smiled, her eyes would crinkle at the corners, her nose scrunch up. A wave of nausea washes over him as he remembers the last times saw her smile like that - it was on Mars, at a joke Lieutenant Vega had made.

Lieutenant Vega, who had stood by Shepard when she was at her darkest, when the Alliance had turned had turned their backs on her. Vega, who had insisted on calling her _Commander_ , even when she wasn't. Vega, who made her smile and made her laugh and had been fighting by her side all these weeks. Vega, who had trusted Shepard without a second thought when she pulled her gun on Udina. Who trusted her when, for the third and final time, Kaidan hadn't.

She studies him for a second longer, tilts her head in that way she does when she thinks better of saying what her heart wants to say.

Funny, he thinks, how he can still recognize her tells after all these years, all the distance between them. She blinks, and in that instant Kaidan watches as Mack fades away and Commander Shepard reappears.

Shepard clears her throat, taking a step backwards, putting a professional distance between them. He misses Mack instantly, wonders if he'll ever see her again.

“The position with Hackett sounds like an amazing opportunity, Major.”

“It is,” he says, and it truly _is._ It had been an honour to lead the first Special Ops Biotic Division for the Alliance, an even bigger honour to be asked to lead the biotic ground forces during this war. His head is in the game, but his heart - though now in his throat - was still on the Normandy, up until this very moment.

Shepard’s face softens for a moment as she gives him one last look. “Take care of yourself out there, Alenko,” she says, before firing off a salute and turning to go. As he watches her walk away, boarding the Normandy, listens to the soft _swish_ of the doors as they close behind her, he's reading in between the lines again. He knows this is it for them, but also knows in his heart of hearts that she still cares; and that knowledge is enough to soften this blow, soften the pain of losing her, _again,_ just enough to keep him fighting.

After all, they've got a war to win.

 

 

* * *

 

**Officially introducing my newest bb, Mack (Mackenzie) Shepard to the world! Earthborn. War hero. The perfect Alliance Officer. Eventually I'll get to her (canon divergent) long fic, but in the meantime, I can at least get all my Vega feels out with her.**

**Big thanks to @yourlocalpriestess for helping name this one!**

 


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